American Chopper Dec 5, 2012 “The Build Off”

On this episode of American Trash Talkers “The Build Off” Junior builds a plane, Senior builds an ATV for an Ice Road Trucker, and Jesse James builds a chopper from raw iron-ore, coal, and rubber all by himself with handlebars that he can’t see over.

Let’s start with some basics. Motorcycle (noun) is a two-wheeled vehicle that is powered by a motor and has no pedals. So to answer your question, Rick, “is that technically a motorcycle?”. No, no it is not. “Will the tracks deter too much from the bike?” Would bacon deter too much from a peanut butter sandwich? Skip to the end and notice how Senior doesn’t even call it a bike but instead it’s a “machine”. So within the first 5 minutes the competition is down to Jesse vs. Junior.

Brendan hits a chord with the group by saying, “It’ll be fun to go against Jesse. . .oh and the other side of OCC,” and scores big laughs all around. The establishment, OCC, is now a joke. How long before Junior takes over at OCC?

“Well, we have a short time frame as usual so we better get to work.”

So Jesse’s plan is to build everything himself. “I’m going to make the frame, the sheet metal, the front end, all the pieces and everything in between; I’m going to fabricate and machine myself.” Seems ambitious. What about the engine, transmission, fasteners. . .? Enter Dan who looks terrified. Jesse ends up spending all of his time on the frame and it pretty much looks like every other tube frame I’ve ever seen. So instead of buying that awesome forge, you could have bought a frame to start with and wouldn’t have wasted so much time building it yourself. Oh wait, I forgot, that’s not “cool”. “A hammer, heat, and an anvil, and that’s all you need. You don’t have the best metal guy in the business because that guy is me.” Ok, well put me in a forest with an ax, and I’ll build you a home. But why not use Home Depot and save some time?

Meanwhile Senior thinks Jesse James is a genius and picks Jesse to beat his own son. No, you don’t win popularity contests by disrespecting the people who helped you get to where you are today, especially when they’re family. Genius Jesse James may not be really “good at explaining stuff”, but he shouldn’t give Junior such a hard time given his own non-existent relationship with his father. Jessie James should have his blonde daughter Sunny around at all times. He is a much better person when she is there.

At the start of the second hour, it’s clear that Senior has built a lawn mower. Except it’s not street legal, and it doesn’t do well on grass. . .Can someone please explain the point of this machine?

Cody is as confused as I am. “A lot riding on it. I don’t know if their mind is in the right spot.” How did you know Cody!? ”You would think [OCC] would take this pretty seriously, but I thought that about Cadillac too and you saw what happened there.” Right on again Cody.

Jesse “I’m the man” James finally admits his ego got in the way, and he needs help. Six guys from his shop then show up. So his crew is now up to 8 people compared to Junior with about half as many.

Jesse James, who has already sent male pornographic pastries to his competition then makes an Internet video to taught Junior for thanking his fans, then goes on to say, “Maybe I’m the only one that wants to give this industry and world of TV and fabricating some respect back.” Does that seem like a contradiction to anyone else?

Jesse’s bike is finally starting to come to together. The red fenders look hot for all of 1 minute when oops. Who is Dan and why is he allowed to touch things in Jesse’s shop? If you complain about the Tuttles, maybe take a look a little closer to home.

Junior’s bike is the biggest bike I’ve ever seen and it looks amazing. With the smoke, it creates its own theatrical entrance. Rider’s please be safe and do NOT idle this bike. Drive it full speed or not at all.

I’ve yet to see Senior’s bike be driven on a public road. Jesse muses, “You think their pipes are going to shoot fire?” Yes actually, although, shouldn’t the flames be coming out the back?

Jesse builds another chopper where you can’t see over the handle bars.

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